POLITICAL COLUMN
Welcome, governors. Cash only
Dear governors, welcome to Washington! We are delighted you are visiting us for the National Governors Association Winter Meeting this weekend.
Now go home. Immediately.
Continue ReadingHow did you get here in the first place? Where did you get the money? Haven’t you been reading the news reports? Your states are broke, busted, insolvent. You are out of dough, greenbacks, scratch, cabbage, moolah.
Did you fly here? I hope not. And I sure hope you did not pay extra for a pillow. Angry crowds may surround your plane when you return home. I suppose some of you took the train, in which case you might arrive by the weekend after next.
And those of you who drove (as if), have you noticed the spike in gas prices this week? You may have come here in a limo, but you’ll be thumbing a ride home.
I know why you came. I went to the official NGA website and read that Saturday’s opening plenary session “will conclude with remarks from Zhou Qiang, the party secretary of the Hunan Provincial Committee. Secretary Zhou is leading a delegation of Chinese officials interested in establishing a subnational dialogue with NGA.”
I have obtained an advance copy of Secretary Zhou’s speech. It is titled: “We Will Buy You All, You Pathetic Running Dogs of Failed Capitalism.”
It starts with a joke: An American governor and a Chinese provincial governor go into a bar.
The American governor says, “I will buy you a beer.”
The Chinese provincial governor says: “Where would you get that kind of money?”
I went to the website of the Pew Center on the States and read that there is a gap of $1 trillion between what the states have set aside and what they owe their workers’ retirement funds.
In the old days, do you know what they called people who ran up $1 trillion in bills and didn’t have the money to pay them? Lindsay Lohan.
Do you know what they call them today? Governors.
We are talking real trouble. In Wisconsin, workers are planning to occupy the state capitol and sell naming rights to the dome.
Which may not be a bad idea. As Nebraska Gov. Dave Heineman, the NGA vice chairman, said: “The NGA Winter Meeting gives governors the opportunity to exchange ideas as well as to discuss our shared policy challenges and effective solutions.”
So I have some suggested topics for NGA breakout sessions:
• How Much Can I Get for a State Highway, and Do We Have to Keep Painting the White Lines?
• Can I Sell All the State Office Buildings on “Pawn Stars”?
• State Parks. Who Needs Them?
I cannot figure out why you people became governors in the first place. Why didn’t you take on an easy job like running Libya?
The NGA’s current motto is: “The Collective Voice of the Nation’s Governors.”
After this weekend, the motto may be: “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?”
The D.C. tourism industry is very happy the governors are coming to spend their last few dollars on fancy hotel rooms and miniature booze and Snickers from their mini-bars. But there is a new rule this year: cash only. We don’t take checks, credit cards or IOUs from governors.
Nothing personal. But considering that President Barack Obama’s new federal budget slashes home heating aid for the poor by 50 percent, you people should be back home chopping up the furniture in your state capitols for firewood.
But what the heck. After all, tomorrow is another day. And you didn’t become a governor because you thought the job was easy. You became a governor so someday you could run for president.
So kick back. I am not saying there is no hope.
According to a recent report, states are quietly seeking a way to declare bankruptcy so they don’t have to pay the pensions of retired public workers. I assume the governors will be employing the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.
Roger Simon is POLITICO’s chief political columnist.
Get reporter alerts
-
Roger Simon
Readers' Comments (15)
For the last few years, using Google Alerts, I have monitored "pension funds" in the news. Generally, most pension funds, not all, have been much abused. Too often these funds have been treated as piggy banks by the private and public sectors. In most cases, they were not funded as employees worked even in cases where the employee paid into the fund, the employers did not make their full contributions. In spite of this, in the good times, in the private sector, executive compensation soared and bonuses were generous.
Now comes tough times with much blaming and with executives and public officials not taking responsibility for their own ill advised past behavior. Naturally, Republicans blame Democrats and vice versa.
The State of Florida has been dominated by Republican governance for years. Taxes have been cut. Past budgets were based on a continued robust real estate sector. Governor Rick Scott doesn't even give a nod to Republican elected official�s fiduciary incompetence. Instead, he looks for scapegoats and is finding them.
Scott is an extremely ethically challenged individual more so than most politicians and that�s a pretty low standard. He is very skilled at not leaving his fingerprints at the scene of a specific crime. However, the degree to which he will screw Florida up is going to be greater than anyone has imagined.
It will take decades to recover from George W. Bush. In fact, we may never recover from the harm he and his Administration did to America. So it will be with respect to Scott and Florida. Most of us will not live to see the scope and depth of the harm these two men are or will be responsible for.
~ richard allbritton, Miami, http://rallbritton.blogspot.co... />
So, in other words, you got nothing to back up your first sentence.
I am eagerly awaiting Simon's column regarding the Obama's and their next vacation, seeing as how Obama plans on adding $7.2 Trillion to the already insane debt.
jackieaxe
Party: Libertarian
Reply #2
Feb. 25, 2011 - 11:21 AM ESTrigel: Feb. 25, 2011 - 7:18 AM EST
Scott is an extremely ethically challenged individual more so than most politicians and that�s a pretty low standard. He is very skilled at not leaving his fingerprints at the scene of a specific crime.
So, in other words, you got nothing to back up your first sentence.
Excuse me! No one is writing essays here. Using Google, It will take you less than five minutes to get all the backup information to support my assertions about Rick Scott that you could possibly want.
At least the republican governors are trying to find a way to follow their respective state statutes requiring balanced budgets. In contrast to the chief executive office of the national government, who when he is not galavanting around the world on Air Force One muching on Kobe beef ($100 per pound paid for by taxpayers), is giving speeches and organizing opponents to those very same governors. Whadda guy. As a republican, you really gotta love him. He is making such a mess domestically and in foreign affairs, there won't be another democrat elected President for the next 25 years easy -- maybe even for the balance of this century.
Gas prices going outta sight because of our created dependence on Middle Eastern Oil and our chief executive's response? Slap a moratorium on drilling off both coasts and the Gulf of Mexico (while the Cubans and Chinese are drilling like crazy), prevent exploration and/or drilling on US owned lands in the US, and in Alaska, thereby creating more pressure on gas prices and increasing our dependence on foreign sources.
And why? Because he thinks we should be riding in high speed trains instead of automobiles, living in apartments instead of homes, and driving cars powered by windmills or foot pedals. He welcomes $3.50 per gallon gas and can't wait for it to get to 5 bucks a gallon (or higher) in his continuing effort to Europeanize the USofA. [I guess they didn't teach in Indonesian schools that the reason European immigrants came to the US in the first place was to get out of Europe.]
Trust that those of you who voted for Hope and Change are continuing to have thrills and tingles running up and down your legs.
A snappy list of sarcastic(sourcaustic) one-liners that gets the point(s) across quite effectively...a good and humorous read.
If Jerry Brown from California is around - he will buy drinks, caviar and canapes!
California is loaded - plenty of bucks and they can always fall back on Google or Hollywood.
Likewise, the City of New York has plenty as well!
Arizona is a different matter and is busy sending its illegals to the great sanctuary state called California. It looks as though a few other states will be sending its illegals to California to cash in as well.
What popularity. Are you nuts? Everyone knows which party got us in this mess.
That's why people are willing to vote in fake Koch Bros created "Tea Party" candidates.
The Repubs are finished as a political party.
Give credit on that last joke to the Tappet Bros.
You know, that popular Car Talk show that you RWers want to defund out of existence.
I asolutely cannot believe that some of you posting on here as talking serious. This whole article is a satire on the state of the states. Fortunately, I live in one of the few states that are having no financial difficulties. And I mean FEW!! Actually the whole article is very funny because it is all seen through the eyes of someone living in Washington, D.C., as well as a hotel manager.
I asolutely cannot believe that some of you posting on here as talking serious. This whole article is a satire on the state of the states. Fortunately, I live in one of the few states that are having no financial difficulties. And I mean FEW!! Actually the whole article is very funny because it is all seen through the eyes of someone living in Washington, D.C., as well as a hotel manager.
I am eagerly awaiting Simon's column regarding the Obama's and their next vacation, seeing as how Obama plans on adding $7.2 Trillion to the already insane debt.
You took that lie, hook, line, and sinker from fox. He never spend even close to that, unlike Bush, who was on vacation 100+ days a year when he was in charge, oh wait Dick was in charge.
It's nice to see the new goofball from Michigan, Snyder is there. His plan to start taxing seniors pensions to give businesses a tax break is DOA here in Michigan. He also has the Unions fed up with him already. Quite a loser. He managed to remain very vague during his Campaign for Governor to get elected he never told the people he was planning on taxing pensions and going after the unions for more concessions. The unions have already given back the last 6 years. Had Snyder been honest with the citizens of Michigan he NEVER would have been elected. Just another sneaky Republican who mislead the public to get elected. He is in for quite a suprise as the people are already FED UP with him !
Of course they don't. But democrats and their compliant stooges in the media are trying to maneuver them into a shut down scenario. I don't know if they will succeed; but its the democrats and the press which are panting for a shut down and a replay of Clinton/Gingrich in which Clinton came out on top.
I suspect they will get their showdown/shut down, and then attempt to blame the republicans for it. Who gets blamed is as yet hard to judge. A lot will depend on how much Obama is willing to lie, and the media's willingness to provide him protection for those lies.
My my my, Roger. You are in fine fettle this morning. /It certainly would be a tragedy to return to 2008 spending levels. EVERYONE WILL DIE!. And if you truly believe that, I've got a nice little bridge you may be interested in acquiring. Cheap. Hardly ever been used.
You must be logged in to comment
Not yet a member?
Register Now