A bundle of cash? Perhaps you are being overly flash and they don't like you?

Just send them a card next year. Or maybe a copy of "How to make friends and influence people"?

You're not being unrealistic - strike them off the list.

Have a quiet word with the parents.

Why do you give them a present int he first place? is it because you want to or because you feel you have to because they're your nephews?

if the former then what does it matter if you don't get a thank you? You want to give them something because you love them and you want to make them happy. That's the point of the present, not that they say thank you.

If the latter, then don't bother. Spend your money on the people you actually like.

How old are your nephews? If they are very young it's the parents fault you get no thanks and you should cut them (the parents) off your Christmas list.

Do the parents thank you?

Do you give them the present face to face or just post it to them?
If you give it to them don't they say "thank you"?
If you post it to them, does this mean that you don't see them that often?

I'd certainly cut back on the gift next time - make it a small amazon voucher or similar. Alternatively buy a goat or a generator for a village in Africa and send them a picture telling them that's what the money has gone on. I'm sure you'll get a 'thank you' then - just not from your nephews.

They probably resent the fact that your present rapidly devalues from the moment they receive it.

Give them gold next year ;-)

Only give because you want to give and have no expectations of receiving even a thank you.

If gifts are not acknowledged they were possibly not valued, save your self next time by giving to those who are in need.

So... you are basically offering your nephews money in exchange for them writing you a thank-you note?

That isn't a gift, it is a business transaction!

If they're 15 or over and can't be bothered to reply they're obviously too busy and it's best not to bother them with either cards or cash in future. FairgroundTown man does have a very fiscal take on the conundrum. Or maybe he feels a pang of guilt about never having said thank-you. Ever.

There is little information given so I have no real answer - no mention of the age of the nephews (are they old enough to write a thank you or use a phone or is it the writer's siblings who should be held responsible?)

Do the nephews receive the cash by hand and think a verbal thanks sufficient? Do they want the money or perhaps immediatedly donate it to charity on the grounds the uncle is a Mafia boss and the money the product of others' misery?

I thnk my most sensible response is that as they did not thank him last year and he gave them money again this, he is training them to believe thanks do not matter. If he had thought ahead, he could have written on the card that if he did not receive a well worded thank you note, they could whistle come Christmas 2012 (perhaps a song from the musical Scrooge would be appropriate)

If they are aged 13 or over they are old enough to say thank-you by themselves, and if they don't, you should strike them off the list. They've given you the signal that they don't care about your gift, which is not only rude but it implies that they wouldn't miss it even if you didn't give it.

If they're still relatively young then it's probably the parents' fault and you should consider carrying on with the gift - though perhaps making it smaller! - until such age as they could reasonably be expected to have the decency to know they should say thank you.

Maybe no one's ever taught the kids to say thank you. You're their aunt or uncle: you could.

Maybe they don't know your adress or phone number to get in touch to say thanks. You're their aunt or uncle: phone them and it might be the first thing they say.

If you don't consider yourself close enough to them to teach them stuff or phone them for a chat, then you're probably not close enough to them to have to buy them Christmas presents, and you can spend your money on beer instead.

I don't think the Writer should feel bad about wanting a thank you - after all, they're not writing in saying 'I send my nephews gifts and I don't get presents from them/their parents back". Feeling let down by a lack of good manners is no bad thing.

What I would do is ask them/the parents if they received the money OK as you haven't heard anything back from them to indicate they received it. If this hint misses the mark just buy socks this year and save your money for people who appreciate it.

Give them a goat from Oxfam next year.

Make a donation to a good charity and send them the notification and a Christmas card.

Invite them to also make a donation to your charity of choice.

Next year don't give them a bundle of cash, buy them some nice thank-you-notes.

Do you send the cash in the post? If so a great trick employed by an elderly relative of mine (to some of the more ungrateful members of her family) was to write and say that as there was no thank you note she assumed the money had not reached them, therefore she would not be sending any in the future as it was clearly too risky to trust the postal system with it. Normally a thank you note was swiftly forthcoming!

....buy a goat or a generator for a village in Africa and send them a picture telling them that's what the money has gone on.

Bang on ; Your Ladyship.

I can remember being made to print thank-you notes for gifts and parties as soon as I was old enough to write! Mum would get out the Basildon Bond and stand over me till it was done.

Most children and teenagers don't see the point of thankyous - of course they get presents at Christmas, it's divinely ordained, innit? It takes some years for the sense of entitlement to wear off. Hence I blame the parents when this happens.

You need to work out whether you are giving them money because you think they'll like it or because you need some form of return or appreciation, or both, and act accordingly next year.

I would stop sending them money this year and maybe the following year write a polite but firm note to their parents asking after their general life/ financial/ work situation. If they get back to you & maybe the money is no longer required or they are so affluent / arrogant for their age that they don't need the money/ like basic manners, mutually agree with the parents to discontinue their financial Christmas gifts.

Tekapo

"Next year don't give them a bundle of cash, buy them some nice thank-you-notes."

Great suggestion - but I think possibly too subtle in many cases? If the kids are old enough to write, you should expect a thank you note - if not a thank you from their parents. It is most definitely NOT a business transaction, as suggested by some posters, simply good manners which ultimately is down to the parents. My kids (7 and 10) no longer need a reminder to write their thank you's - it's become second nature : you get a gift - you say thank you. I have to say that teachers at their school encourage this by hand-writing thank you's to all children who get them a small gift at Xmas, but ultimately it is the parents responsibility to instil this into children at an early age.

Personally any relatives, children or not, get the chance to say thanks ONCE, otherwise the following Xmas (or birthday) they won't need to, 'cause they wont be getting anything from me. Incidentally, I do not accept a generic word-processed 'thank-you for your lovely present' either. If they can't be arsed to write a personal thank-you then I can't be arsed to send them a gift in the future.

If parents have the audacity to mention this, I simply reply that as I had no reaction from the kids (or them) the previous year I'd assumed they were unhappy with the gift and this year sent £ direct to Oxfam. Normally shuts them up and if it upsets them, so be it.

When I was a young and ungrateful child, an uncle of mine used to give me some money at Christmas. If I didn't send a thank-you note then the amount for the next Christmas was automatically halfed and it was made clear why. It doesn't take long to work out the correlation and I became a prolific thank-you note writer from then on!

Being blackmailed into acquiring manners!

I'm sure you are a very popular aunt/uncle!

One chance to say thanks/ I do not accept a generic word-processed.../audacity/shuts them up...

Gosh, receiving a present from you sounds like more trouble than it is worth!

I have mixed feelings on this. I feel put out if people don't respond to gift, but I know that, being human, I don't always reply straightaway either. Besides, I try to select a gift that the person I care about will like, so the pleasure for me is in seeing something and thinking "They'll love that!" rather than waiting for a message of thanks so I can feel good about myself.

My parents made me write notes as a child or put me on the phone to say thank you for the gift and I hated it. Let's be frank, writing thank you notes is very boring for a child. I remember having some silly arguments with my dad about how they shouldn't give me a gift if they just wanted my thanks! And what about the presents I hadn't liked? It's hard to pretend on the phone that you liked something when you thought it was too childish for you etc.

I had a great aunt that used to make snide remarks about waiting for thank you notes etc and I used to wish she didn't send me any money as it seemed to be given in the wrong spirit. Daft as it sounds, I prefered getting a bundle of coppers handed over casually by my poorer gran than the ceremony that I had to go through when receiving five quid from the wealthier side of the family. After I graduated uni, this great aunt told my father that she realised I could probably do with some money, so perhaps I'd like to write her a letter. No I didn't particularly want to write her a letter (a begging one?) so naturally, I didn't get the money!

As for the original poster, as others have said, young children can be excused, but if they are mid-teens they should be mature enough to at least text you a thank you. I imagine they just haven't thought about it or got around to it and, as the money still arrives every year, they haven't given it too much thought.

However, how close are you to your nephews? What do you know about them and their lives? Perhaps to them you are just some distant or aloof family member that doesn't seem interested and thinks money at Christmas is enough. If that were the case, I'm not sure I would fell like thanking you.

As a child my mum made me write letters of thanks for Christmas and birthday gifts. I hated it. Why would one want a coerced 'thank you' from children forced to write a to a relative they probably dislike?

With regards to the person asking this question I'd suggest they first avoid any hypocrisy by sending a letter to every single person who gave them a gift, without exception and no matter how large or small it was. Only then could they have any basis on insisting on a letter from others. I'd also ask whether they are applying these demands upon adults as well as children? Or do they have particular prejudice towards kids?

No, you're not being unrealistic in expecting a thank you. Yes, nudge the parents; if that doesn't work, strike them off the list (just send a card) and let them know why as it'll do 'em good.

Lots of the replies here are weird, as if the questioner had been expecting his nephews to get on one knee and doff their cloth-caps in return for a sovereign. It's only good manners to say 'thanks' for a present, after all.

@spetty

As a child my mum made me write letters of thanks for Christmas and birthday gifts. I hated it. Why would one want a coerced 'thank you' from children forced to write a to a relative they probably dislike?

Did you hate getting presents? Surprising you got any, given your rather sour attitude...

The questioner said that he'd be happy to get an email or text, so we can take it as given that he's not expecting letters and makes the effort himself to say 'thanks'.

I don't think the op is being unreasonable.

If I sent a nephew/neice £20 as a present and did not get any thanks then I would feel a bit miffed.

I would think about how long I had to work to earn that money, dragging myself out of bed at 5.45 every day, the commute, crappy meetings etc.

If they cannot even be bothered to say/text thanks then I wouldn't bother sending them anything next year.

A similar dilemma was published a while ago. The person who didn't offer thanks in that case was at university. I suggested collecting foreign currency / shrapnel from people over the year, giving it all to the student at Christmas and seeing how far it gets him at the student bar.

A different tack this time. Work out how long it takes you to earn the money you give to your nephews and say to them that, as you don't hear from them when you give them money you assume they don't want it, so this year you'll give the equivalent in hours.

Then take them on some odd trips - to a graveyard to see who can find the most unusual name on a headstone, a traipse around town looking for gargoyles, a long bus journey to nowhere in particular etc etc. They'll soon find their manners.

This sounds quite similar to Nick123's post above but I thought of it before signing in - honestly!

please don't blame the parents! that wont solve this. we have 4 kids and in the avalanche of stuff they receive cash is one of the least welcome things, to be honest. We try very hard to get them to thank everyone, and in fairness they are good at this...but also cash means elongating the whole present thing even longer as they spend the money in Jan. My advice, dont worry about nudging the kids, sounds like maybe you are not spending much time with your nephews anyway which might be the prob. Instead save the money for them and give it as a lump sum when they are 18 or 25 and have the imagination to do something great with it, and to be truly grateful! But I asked my 8 year old about it and he said "WHY SHOULD i HAVE TO WRITE A THANK YOU LETTER? NOBODY WROTE ME ONE!"

I had a similar experience with my nephews daughter (her parents had separated, so despite trying to keep in touch, this was my only means of contact) I sent birthday and christmas pressies & a letter every year until she was 18 and recieved only only response. For me that was the pressie 'cut off' point so now just send card & letter. Perhaps my pressies were just rubbish!!

Firstly, chop the "bundle" of cash down to a tenner each as their birthdays should be the time for splashing out, not Christmas.

I've had plenty of thanks in the past when the nephews and nieces were younger. This year, though, I did make sure I brought them back physical gifts from trips abroad, as in something tangible rather than just giving cash which is there for the season and gone until next time.

If you really want to make sure you're thanked, you've got to be there at your sibling's house at the end of the day, how often you actually see these kids is also a factor. However one Christmas getting nothing should make them take notice, so take this year off and start again in 2013.

A real life example to trump any expectation of a thank you!:

Sibling A complains to Parent that Sibling B didnt send Sibling A's child a present. Sibling B is told by Parent that they are 'in the dog house' with Sibling A. Turns out Sibling A in fact cashed cheque and forgot.

So yes, when children are of a certain age, it is up to the parent's to set the example. There can be an expectation of receiving a present as much as of receiving a thank you card.

I am not big into Thank You cards but I do think you need to be smart enough to (a) know which are the senders who really expect or value a thank you card; and (b) be able to teach your kids the importance of saying 'thank you' as part of general good manners for later life. It is amazing what a difference these little things can make to good human interaction and relations, and it is for the parents to teach their kids. And to point this out to teenager children if they don't. They may not listen but they'll remember when they are older.