What A Good (If Slightly Weird) Boy Wants For Christmas

Homer Simpson knows the problem. What do you give to someone who lives abnormally? Outside ordinary categories?

Well, English muffins are always welcome, but since we're about to hit the weekend (and I'm permitted to play) I've come up with a short list of gifts that would satisfy somebody like...oh...me.

1. A Paleolithic Telephone

It doesn't ring, doesn't answer, and never needs recharging. Of course, it doesn't do anything, either, but it's oh so elegant. Created by graphic designer Jennifer Daniel and her mom.

2. A Perfect Hideaway

Who wouldn't want to live in a cozy, teeny weeny, grass-roofed Hobbit Home? This one (which we've gift wrapped so you can open it yourself), was built by Simon Dale in Wales for about $5,200 (he did it himself). It would be like living in a dream.

3. Wheeeee! Without Worries

Speaking of staircases, here's an attachment for people have always wanted to slide down banisters, but worry about ... umm ... collateral damage. This is the perfect gift for a wuss.

4. A Hang Drum

I don't know how they work, but musician Daniel Waples, plopped on a sidewalk in Oslo, Norway, makes it look so easy I want to try. Wikipedia says there's nothing inside a "hang" (they don't call it a drum,) but air; those knobs and bumps give it resonance, and all you have to do is remember to play the right side, as Daniel will demonstrate. ...

5. Bacon Aroma In The Morning

There's something about the sizzle and smell of bacon in the morning that makes some people instantly happy. (I'm not a bacon eater, but I know people who wiggle with pleasure when they catch a whiff from the kitchen.) Well, here's an alarm clock that wakes you up, not with a buzz, but with the wafting smell of bacon. It's the Wake N' Bacon, from designer Matty Sallin and friends.

So, if any of you out there have a hobbit-house loving, banister sliding, bacon-sniffing, telephone using, bowl-tapping friend on your shopping list ... you're all set.