Grief is a normal, healthy response to a loss. It describes the emotions you feel when you lose someone or something important to you. People grieve for many different reasons, including the following:
When people talk about the stages of grief, they most often are talking about the 5 stages of grief identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Kübler-Ross was a psychiatrist who studied how people who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness grieved the loss of their health. She identified the 5 stages of grief as:
All of these feelings are normal. However, not everyone who is grieving experiences all of these emotions. And not everyone experiences these emotions in the same order. It is also common to cycle back through some of these stages more than once. Grief can include many other emotions and even physical symptoms.
Grief can include both emotional and physical symptoms. There is a big overlap with symptoms of depression. For example, emotional symptoms may include the following:
Physical symptoms of grief may include the following:
There is no “right” way to grieve. Everybody is different. Give yourself time to experience your loss in your own way, but remember to take care of yourself:
You'll probably start to feel better in 6 to 8 weeks. The whole process can last anywhere from 6 months to 4 years. If you feel like you're having trouble dealing with your emotions, ask for help. People who can help include friends, family, clergy, a counselor or therapist, support groups, and your family doctor.
The symptoms of grief and the symptoms of depression are quite similar. While it’s normal for you to feel sad after a loss, the feelings associated with grief should be temporary. If you don’t start to feel better as time passes, if your feelings begin to disrupt your daily life, or if you start to think about hurting yourself or others, talk to your family doctor. These can be signs of depression. Your family doctor can help you treat depression so you can start to feel better.
You may start to feel better in small ways. For example, you may find it's a little easier to get up in the morning, or you may have small bursts of energy. This is the time when you'll begin to reorganize your life around your loss or without your loved one. During this time, it may feel like you go through a series of ups and downs. You may feel better one day, but worse the next day. This is normal.
Eventually, you’ll begin to reinvest in other relationships and activities. During this time, it's normal to feel guilty or disloyal to your loved one because you're moving on to new relationships. It's also normal to relive some of your feelings of grief on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and during other special times.
Written by familydoctor.org editorial staff
Reviewed/Updated: 04/12
Created: 09/00