Coping When a Family Member Has Been Called to War Coping When a Family Member Has Been Called to WarHomecoming After Deployment: Dealing with Changes and Expectations (PDF). From the Iraq War Clinician Guide. When a family member goes to war, the impact on those left at home can be challenging. Readjusting after your service member returns can also take time. Know that the entire cycle of deployment can be a painful and frightening time, particularly for children. Family members need to be heard without judging or criticizing what they say. People may need to just express themselves during this time. The more family members can communicate with one another, the less long-term strain there will be on the family. Support from others is important. Spend time with people. Coping with stressful events is easier when in the company of caring friends. Ask for support from your family, friends, church, or other community group. Peer-support groups, led by spouses of deployed service members, can be helpful. Spouses can share ideas with each other, trade childcare or other responsibilities, and encourage each other if they are feeling taxed. It is helpful to find ways you and your family can productively channel energy. Helping other families and organizing neighborhood support groups or outings can help everyone involved. Tips for family members to cope with deployment
When children worry about war, acknowledge children's fears, and let them know that parents, teachers, and police are here to protect them. Find ways to keep the deployed member visible to the family. For example, keep out photographs of your loved one. For more information see Children Coping with a Deployment. The more caring and stable the remaining caretaker is, the less stress the children will feel. However, trying to "do it all" can lead to exhaustion. Signs of caregiver stress include feeling as though you are unable to cope, feeling constantly exhausted, or feeling as though you no longer care about anything. It is especially important for caretakers to devote time to themselves, exercise, and get plenty of rest. Get professional help if neededWhen stress becomes overwhelming, don't be afraid to seek professional help. Ongoing difficulties such as exhaustion, apathy, worry, sleeplessness, bad dreams, irritability, or anger-outbursts need the attention of a professional counselor. Use military outreach programs. Military outreach programs are in place to help families prevent social isolation. Interventions for military families are especially important for younger families and those without a prior history of deployments. Healthy reintegrationWhen your service member safely returns home, take time to reconnect:
Share changes with one another. Be prepared for changing household roles and new personality traits. Talk about what skills each of you now has, and which responsibilities you'd both prefer. Compromise if necessary. Both of you should feel that needs are understood and respected. Take care of yourself by doing healthy things to relieve stress:
Things to avoid when talkingThe habits that your service member formed while away can make communication stressful once he or she is home. When talking with your returning service member, try not to:
Resources for families coping with readjustmentWithin VA, resources that provide support to the families of service members who have been deployed include:
SourcesThis fact sheet is based on a more detailed version, located in the "Professional" section of our website: How Deployment Stress Affects Children and Families: Research Findings. Pincus, S. H., House, R., Christenson, J., & Adler, L. E. (2001). The emotional cycle of deployment: A military family perspective. U.S. Army Medical Department Journal, 4/5/6, 15-23. Van Breda, A. D. (1999). Developing resilience to routine separations: An occupational social work intervention. The Journal of Contemporary Human Services, 80, 597-605. Date Created:
See last Reviewed/Updated Date below.
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