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Relationships

Home : Relationships : Dealing with conflict

Learning to say “I” instead of “you”

For each scene below, change the blaming “you” statement, into a feeling “I” statement.

An I-statement is a sentence that begins with the word "I." It helps the speaker take responsibility for their feelings instead of saying they are caused by the other person. This can help keep relationships open and honest between people when there is a conflict.

Man leaning over a woman with a report.

Your teacher asks you to redo a report for the fifth time.

Instead of: “You’ll never be happy with anything I turn in!”

Try: “I feel ________ when you __________ because I’ve already tried my best.”

Boy with headphones on screaming.

Your brother’s music is so loud that you can't study.

Instead of: “You only think about yourself!!!”

Try: “I feel _________ when you ________ because I can't do my homework. Please turn it down.”

A girl telling another girl a secret.

You just found out that your friend told a secret.

Instead of: “You’re such a big mouth!”

Try: “I feel ________ when you _________ because I wanted to keep that news between you and me.”

Man using a remote control.

You sit down to watch a movie with your boyfriend, but he turns on football, again.

Instead of: “You don’t even care about me!”

Try: “I feel __________ when you don’t ask me what I want to do.”

 

Content last updated September 22, 2009

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office on Women's Health.

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