Podcast Transcript: 'Another Person to Take Care Of'

Date: 08/11/2009 | Time: 11:05 | Size: 10.4 MB

Being a new parent is demanding no matter the circumstances, but homeless teen parents may struggle more than most. In our most recent installment of the NCFY podcast series, we speak with a young mother about the challenges of adolescent parenthood and homelessness and how she has worked to overcome them with the help of a FYSB-funded maternity group home.
 
MS. DAISY HICKS:  [music]  Welcome to the Positive Youth Development Podcast Series by the Family and Youth Services Bureau within the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The series is produced by the National Clearinghouse on Families & Youth.

I’m Daisy Hicks, a Youth Policy Associate with the Clearinghouse. The Family and Youth Services Bureau supports homeless, pregnant and parenting young people between the ages of sixteen and twenty-one, as well as their children for up to eighteen months.

Maternity group homes offer an intensive array of services to meet the short and longer term needs of pregnant and parenting youth. Programs teach parenting skills, health and nutrition, family budgeting and other life skills to prepare you to live independently.

In this podcast, you will hear from Melissa who gave birth at fourteen. Despite her hardships, Melissa, now eighteen, has maintained her goals by graduating from high school, staying employed and continuing her education. She tells us how young mothers can be successful while parenting, how group home staff can do better to help youth and what she has learned by being a teen parent. [music]

MELISSA:  I met a gentleman to go bowling near my cousin's. We were talking for a few minutes. After that I had left and moved back with my mother. And my mom, she said that there were some things that looked different about me. One day we were coming home with groceries and she felt my stomach. So she was like it felt hard. And then the next morning, she took me to the clinic to see if I was pregnant. And that's when I found out that I was five months pregnant.

I was fourteen. He had just turned fifteen. My mom had a call him and told him on the phone. And he was telling his mom and dad it never happened. And they were just like, I mean, the baby's fault. Pretty much after that, I've been on my own.

That's when I found out about the Covenant House. I did a lot of research on it to see what I was going to come into and how was they like. And really the goals and perspectives, things for me to do while I stay here. I came in December, 2008 and to the present. [music]

MS. DAISY HICKS:  Melissa speaks candidly about the challenges she faced by becoming a teen mom.

MELISSA:  There's a lot of changes. For me, it was not a lot because I never did anything really. You have to put a lot aside, your friends, going outside, having fun. Because you have to take care of your child. You have to find day care. There's school that's involved of it. It's pretty much a lot. Money. You have to buy diapers, like clothes, all of that.

I would say my attitude, the way I carry myself, how I act, pretty much it's a little bit stressing. But then it's okay. Because I still have people that will support me and deal with some of the things that I stress over.

Before I got pregnant, I really didn't care what was going on, what I was doing. Okay. Well, I can't do that. Because I have another person to take care of besides myself. I have to think about somebody else and not just all me. There's another person that I brung into the world.

The way people look at teen parents, I think is real bad. Because when I was pregnant and like people would come up to me like, oh, how old you are. And then I realized I'm fourteen. And then their whole facial expression just changed. Oh, my God. You're fourteen and having sex. That's bad. Where are your parents? Why are they not watching you? And stuff like that.

I would just say you don't know the situation that the teens are in. So you can't judge the teens or the parent. Pretty much you can't judge a book by its cover. [music]

MS. DAISY HICKS:  Melissa advocates for young women to get the support they need.

MELISSA:  And if your baby's father is not there, there's resources that will help you get all the things that you need. And if your baby's father is there, then there's also other resources that you could get to get together as a family.

Personally, I would try to handle things myself. And then if I need help, I would like go to somebody that says they'll help me with this. They support the kids here. And most likely they have group activities and everything. So they could like focus on what they have to do outside the world. Instead of having being inside closed doors and have all your help, they try to prepare you to be open to what you're about to go into and the outside world. Instead of having depending on other people, they most likely teach you to depend on yourself sometimes. And if you really, really need help, then you'll go to somebody to help you or find the resources. [music]

I have support from the Covenant House. I also have support from a few of my family members that's here in Florida. The support here at the Covenant House is real big. It's like ... like I said, anything you need, they'll get or they'll try to get. Or they'll find other resources to help you out if you don't have the answer that you need.

As well as my parents. My parents and my family, they'll ... I'll ask them for something. If they can't do it, they'll let me know. Or they'll work with me to try to do it. It's like pretty much the same thing that the Covenant House is doing. It's the same as the outside world.

Pretty much whatever you need, the Covenant House has. And if they don't have, they will try to go out and get what you need. That's basically what I see when I was here. I've been at the Covenant House since December 28th, 2008. I've been there for six months now. I've learned to meet other people and have standards and rules that you have to follow by. Because everywhere you go, they said that you have rules and to maintain.

And how to cope with other people's situations and confidentiality. And for me, staying here is a big help. Because it helps me get on my feet. They have programs here. ROP is housing that they'll get the youth in while they're maintaining at the Covenant House, especially your own apartment. But it will be roommates with somebody else that used to stay in ROP. It's not like that they will put you into an environment where you don't know that person. I really try to respect myself and to respect others and respect adults while I'm staying here. [music]

MS. DAISY HICKS:  She also has some advice for teens about decision making before having sex.

MELISSA:  Have protection when you have sex or whatever. And don't rush into it. Because it's not that important. Your education and your goals are more important than having sex with a boy. Get to know the person better. Have a great relationship before you jump into something that big and if you really don't want a child, then don't. I don’t want to say don't have sex, but just be protected. Because there's so many STDs and so many infective things out there in the world that you could catch. And you could most likely die off of it. You could get disabled for it.

Basically, you're just setting goals for yourself to accomplish and not feel worried about sex? Take care of your baby. Love your baby. Do not neglect your child. Because your child could sense if you're doing something wrong or if something's wrong with you. Just give your baby the most attention that you never got from your family members, friends or parents. Just keep your head up and do your goals. That's what I'm doing. Accomplish everything. Even if you have a baby, it still won't take you off the tracks. It may take you off the tracks with your friends and going outside. But it's a lesson to learn. [music]

I go to the school named Beta, the Beta Center. Everybody, they try to help everybody out. There may have been like a lot of disagreement and agreement. But we always try to strive to get the right answer. And our teachers, they have so much support of us, it's very hopeful. There's a lot of people, a lot of teens, that go to my school and get what they need, get everything done. Right now there's eighteen girls that graduated from that school Friday. And now I'm starting to get my diploma which I graduated on Friday. So now everything is completed. And I'm just waiting for the future, what's going to happen next.

Right now I have a job at Sea World. I start orientation on Friday. And in August, I go to college for criminal justice forensics. I'll be doing like CSI stuff forensics. That's like real big. Your education, that's something that's important. Because when you get your diploma, you're going to feel good and tell your child or your kids how in high school or elementary and other school what you've done, what you've learned. And now that you've succeed and for those twelve years, you have your diploma. And your child is going to look up to you like, oh. Mommy did it. So can I. [music]

MS. DAISY HICKS:  We would like to thank Melissa and the Covenant House of Florida for their time and assistance. For more information about pregnant and parenting youth and/or maternity group homes, please visit NCFY on the web at ncfy.acf.hhs.gov. [music]

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